So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Someone signed my nipple.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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