I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
