that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
