We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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