you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
