I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
