those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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