She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
