I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
