My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Oh god it's open bar.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
