Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
