Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
