I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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