So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
