So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
They are going to name an STD after you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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