i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she pinky promised me she was 18
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
