I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
