I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
