either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
