So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
