even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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