i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
