are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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