I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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