I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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