with your own penis?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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