Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I believe in your delicious
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
