My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
