The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
