shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
