You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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