mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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