I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
