I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
