omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
