I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
