I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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