wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
