Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
