life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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