Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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