Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
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I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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