It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
