I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
