So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
