obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.