she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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