3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
