very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
