Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
