Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
