So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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