soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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