can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He has the fingertips of a God
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