Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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