i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
