You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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