You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
