Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
