youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
