Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
