and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
