She said her name was "party"
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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