someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
