Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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