So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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