Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
