and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
