I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
