I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
