people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
