he was CRYING into my vagina
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
