I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
