textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
