Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
