I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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