Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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