Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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