I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
