Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
