the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
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I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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