Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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