you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
