I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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