we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
