I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
