Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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